


The Way They Look(At Each Other)

by batyalewbel



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 21:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13579398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batyalewbel/pseuds/batyalewbel
Summary: There are times when she knows that he’s remembering.Remembering things that happened to him and yet didn’t.She’ll never forget that moment when she stood at Bad Wolf Bay with the two of them.





	The Way They Look(At Each Other)

**Author's Note:**

> One of two pieces I'm writing for the 2018 Fandom Trumps Hate challenge.  
> Astairelover requested a fic where Rose & 10 travel to 1930s or 40s Hollywood. I've been thinking about metacrisis Ten lately so here we go.

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left._

_How light carries on endlessly, even after death._

_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._

_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist._

_With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite_

_How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist._

_–Saturn, Sleeping at Last_

\---

There are times when she knows that he’s remembering.

Remembering things that happened to him and yet didn’t.

She’ll never forget that moment when she stood at Bad Wolf Bay with the two of them.

_“When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.”_

And The Doctor… well… _“I said, Rose Tyler.”_

She wasn’t in the mood for games, not after this. Not after everything she had gone through to see him again.

_“Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?”_

_“Does it need saying?”_

And so she turned to him, _“And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”_

And he just looked at her, with that frown she knew so well.

He walked over and whispered in her ear, _“I love you.”_

And that was all she really needed.

She kissed him right then and there and they both watched as the Doctor and Donna Noble went back to the TARDIS and left them behind.

In the days that followed, he was quiet.

He would always smile for her, but in the moments of silence, she could see there was something on his mind.

A week in, he asked her to call him John.

More time passed, and one day she found him sitting alone in their room. The lights were out and he was sitting on the floor at the base of the bed, his face pinched in thought.

“John?” she asked, peeking her head into the room. That look vanished immediately like a wisp of a dream, replaced by that bright smile.

“Oh hello Rose, sorry I was just…” and the smile faded a little. A small crack in a nearly perfect facade.

Rose settled on the floor beside him.

“Doc...John, would you tell me what’s wrong?”

It had been weeks and she still had to stop herself from calling him the Doctor.

And he heard it, because of course he did. The way his eyes sharpened onto her for just a moment and then away again.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking down at the wooden floor beneath them. From the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head.

“Nah, it’s fine.”

And the silence that fell on them was heavy. It took Rose a little time to swallow and make herself ask.

“Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

He looked at her then, with that look of keen attention that was almost painfully familiar. His eyebrows a little bit furrowed as he struggled to put whatever it was into words.

“Do you remember that time we travelled back in time to 1943 in Los Angeles?” he asked and it was the non-sequiter that made her pause because of course she remembered.

“Yeah, we ended up as extras in _To Have and Have Not,”_ she said, a smile forming on her lips and his frown deepened but he nodded.

\---

_Los Angeles, 1943_

_They found seats at the one empty table at the far corner of the crowded set. The cameras took up half the space and Rose was excitedly waiting for when Humphrey Bogart would come walking down those steps into the smoky, crowded bar._

_She had told The Doctor that she loved Humphrey Bogart movies and he had grinned and asked, “You want to be in one?”_

_So they watched, waiting for the director to call action._

_“Quiet on set,” called out the Assistant Director, “Roll sound.”_

_And a crew member stepped in front of the camera with a clapperboard._

_“Scene 24, take 6 marker,” the crew member called as a hush fell over the room._

_“And action,” he called, clapping the two pieces of wood together and rushing off, behind the camera._

_And she and the Doctor watched in quiet awe as Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Walter Brennan walk down the steps._

_She said a few lines before the director called cut. And even with permission to talk, the room remained almost totally silent. Everyone in the room was mesmerized by them and by her._

_“Did you know this was Lauren Bacall’s first movie?” the Doctor whispered in her ear and Rose shook her head._

_“They say, she fell in love with Bogart on the set of this very film,” he added and Rose nodded, awestruck as the pair of them were talking to each other softly, waiting while the director moved the camera for the next shot._

_“They’re probably right,” Rose whispered back, “Just look at the way they’re looking at each other.”_

_And they were smiling at each other, bright incandescent smiles that lit up the room._

_“Oh, absolutely,” he said and she looked at him then. At his ridiculous hair and that nose that was just a little too sharp. Those deep brown eyes that locked onto her with such an intensity and that mouth that was perfect for smiling._

_And then he smiled._

_Right then, from ear to ear, and she smiled back._

_In that moment she was so happy her skin could barely contain it._

_In that moment, everything was perfect._

_\---_

“Why do you mention it?” she asked and John looked at her, for a long and silent instant that seemed to stretch on for years.

“That’s the moment I knew I was in love with you,” he said. And he said it so simply it pulled air from her lungs.

“I fancied you before for certain, and you were my friend and I cared about you, but _that_ was the moment I knew.”

Rose nodded slowly, unsure of what to say.

“And I think that’s when you fell in love with him.”

The understanding began to dawn and she shook her head, “John…”

“No, Rose I mean...I have all of his memories, his personality...He is me...but I’m not him.”

He looked at her then, and his voice cracked just an inch. Like an opening of an achingly deep chasm.

“He’s going to go on and change and become a different person and I’ll change and become me and I have all of his memories and feelings, but _I’m not him,”_ he said it in a rush and it almost sounded like he was imploring her to understand.

She nodded, saying softly, “I know you’re not him,” and he shook his head.

“Do you Rose? Because all your best memories are of him and they’re my memories too, but I’m just a facsimile. _I_ didn’t take you to 1943. It wasn’t me sitting at that table with you.”

There might have been tears in his eyes as he gritted his teeth and stared down at the floor, “I just need to know that I’m enough. Even if I’m not him.”

And finally Rose understood. She understood it all.

She realized why he chose the name John Smith and why there had been a shadow hanging over him for months.

Slowly she reached out and pressed a hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her.

“John Smith, you’re him in all the ways that matter and as for the rest? We have plenty of time to make thousands of new good memories,” she said.

And he smiled that old and new smile she loved so much and kissed her softly and sweetly, only pulling back to say, “Alright then, Rose Tyler it sounds like we have work to do.”

And she grinned, “Absolutely, we do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it!
> 
> [PS this is the scene I pictured them filming](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fs4vI2XnQJ4) And btw the little dance she does towards the end walking back to Bogart was unscripted.


End file.
